Falling For Jax (Falling Book 3) Read online

  Falling for Jax

  Falling Series #3

  Tracy Lorraine

  Copyright © 2016 by Tracy Lorraine

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Proofread by Pinpoint Editing

  Formatted by Dandelion Cover Designs

  Cover design by Dandelion Cover Designs

  Contents

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  Foreword

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Epilogue

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  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Also by Tracy Lorraine

  For my readers who gave Molly, Ryan and me a chance. You have blown me away with your love for their story and your support of me.

  Thank you x

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  I would advise reading Falling for Jax after reading both parts of Falling for Ryan, so you have a better understanding of the characters and their history.

  Chapter One

  Jax

  Bang, bang, bang.

  Argh, fuck off and let me be miserable in peace, I think, as I neck the shot I just poured. I’ve lost count of what number that was. Tonight is the night of my two best friends’ engagement party, and here I am sat at home, nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels. Alone.

  Bang, bang, bang.

  I should be there celebrating with them. They deserve it after everything they have been through in the last year, but I can’t bring myself to see her.

  It’s all her fault.

  They are the two best friends I have had in years, and she is stopping me from being there with them. Unbeknown to them, they have managed to pull me out of the rut I found myself in after years of pure hell, and I can’t be there for them. I want to see her more than anything, but I have found that caving to that need only hurts more in the long run. It’s better if I stay away. She has made her decision. She does not want me.

  Bang, bang, bang.

  “FUCK OFF!” I shout, much more aggressively than I was anticipating.

  “Jax, mate, it’s Ryan. Open the door, man!” I hear shouted back at me.

  Why the hell is Ryan here? He should be at his engagement party. Oh, please don’t tell me he’s here to drag me to it. I’ve already told him why I’m not there, and I thought he understood.

  “Jax, for fuck’s sake, open the door. NOW!” he shouts again.

  I pour myself another shot of Jack and stumble my way to the door in the hope I can get rid of him.

  When I pull the door open, I’m slightly taken aback by the look on Ryan’s face, but I don’t really think much of it because the state I’m in has probably caused it.

  “James Blunt, really?” he deadpans as he pushes his way into my flat and removes the shot glass from my hand.

  I go to say something but am quickly shut up when I get forcefully shoved in the direction of my bedroom.

  “You need to go and get dressed now, Jax,” Ryan demands.

  “I’ve already told you, I’m not coming to your party,” I slur as I bounce off the walls. Okay, yep, I think it’s safe to say Jack and I have become very good friends tonight.

  “It’s not that,” Ryan says, sounding defeated. “Abbi needs you. She’s on her way to the hospital with Molly.”

  “Fuck,” I spin round far too quickly, making the room spin way too fast for my liking. It’s only now that I see the worry etched into every feature of Ryan’s face. “What’s happened?”

  “I’ll explain in the car. Right now, you need to put some clothes on, unless you want to turn up at the hospital in just your underwear. You’ve got two minutes, Jax, or I’m taking you with me like that.”

  It’s weird. The moment I look at Ryan’s face and the words he said settle properly into my brain, my earlier drunk feeling completely disappears.

  Abbi needs me.

  I run down to my room and throw on the first items of clothing I find. Within seconds, I’m running behind Ryan, out of my building and straight into his car.

  “What’s happened, Ryan?” I ask with a shaky voice.

  “I don’t really know. It was all a bit mad, but there was so much blood. It was fucking scar-”

  “What the fuck has she done?” I ask, starting to feel myself panicking. “Oh fuck, did she slit her wrists? Shit, fuck, this is all my fault. I should have been there. I’m fucking cursed; this is all my fault,” I continue ranting to myself but I have no idea if I’m actually saying the words out loud, because the roaring sound in my ears and the pounding of my heart have taken over. Fuck, I haven’t had a panic attack in months. Breathe, Jax, breathe.

  Ryan calmly saying my name eventually breaks through my haze. “Jax…Jax…breathe Jax…breathe. Abbi’s okay. She’s going to be okay.”

  I do as he says and concentrate on controlling my breathing. My hands are shaking and I can feel the sweat pouring off me, but eventually I feel myself start to calm down and the attack subsides.

  Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out…

  “Are you back with me, or do I need to pull over?” Ryan asks, sounding a little panicked himself from the driver’s seat.

  I shake my head at him but realise he’s driving so he probably can’t see me. “No,” I croak out.

  “Okay, just keep breathing. We’re nearly there.”

  I nod my head before leaning my elbows forward onto my knees and resting my head in my hands while I continue to concentrate on staying calm.

  “She didn’t do anything like that, Jax. Why the hell would you think that?”

  “It’s nothing,” I whisper, hoping he will let this go.

  “Jax, that was not nothing. Do you have panic attacks often?”

  “I haven’t had one for months. Some shit happened a few years ago that started them.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I lift my head up and look at Ryan. He quickly glances over at me and can obviously see the answer to his question in my eyes. “You’re right, now isn’t the time. We need to get to Abbi.”

  “Is there a reason you’re skirting around what is wrong with her?” I ask, just as Ryan pulls into a parking space outside the hospital.

  He turns to look at me and I can see pain and compassion fill his eyes before he opens his mouth to speak. “I think she was having a miscarriage, Jax.” He looks down at his lap for a couple of seconds while I try to process what he just said. “I think it was yours.” He looks back up and puts his hand on my shoulder, showing his support. “She didn’t say it exactly, but she said she needed you so…” he tails off, letting me fill the gaps.

  “Fuck!”

  * * *

  Ten minutes later, I find myself pacing the floor of the A&E waiting area while Ryan and Molly watch me from where they are sat together.

  “How long can it take, seriously?” I snap at them.

  “Jax, they said someone would come and talk to us as soon as possible. Just try to be patient. They know what they are doing,” Molly says softly.

  She can try to convince me that everything is okay all she wants, but I saw the pain and fear in her eyes when we found her pacing this very floor waiting for us to arri
ve. Being pregnant herself, I can only imagine how scared she must be right now, having seen Abbi in the state she described when I first arrived. It hasn’t escaped my notice that she hasn’t stopped rubbing her belly the whole time we have been here.

  “I’m going to get you a coffee. I’m sure the Jack Daniels flowing through your system right now isn’t helping. Do you want anything, gorgeous?” Ryan asks, turning to Molly.

  “Just water, please.”

  I watch as he kisses her forehead before he gets up and heads for the vending machine. I am so jealous of what they have found together. They have everything I want. For some reason though, finding what they have seems to elude me at every corner. I think I’ve found the one, but then she ends up either moving abroad with her work because it’s more important, cheating, trying to rinse me of everything I have or, like Abbi, they just don’t want me, plain and simple. What the hell is wrong with me?

  Half an hour later and we still have no news about Abbi’s condition, but a commotion at the entrance distracts us and we see Liv come running in, followed by Beth and - oh fucking great - Caleb!

  “Everyone has left yours apart from Susan, Pete and Emma, who insisted on clearing up. I tried to make them go home, but Susan insisted that she wanted to do something to help,” Liv says to Molly and Ryan.

  “Of course she did,” Molly mutters, shaking her head.

  “Any news?”

  “No. We are still waiting. They’d better hurry up though, because otherwise Mr. Impatient here will have worn a hole in their floor.”

  “Fuck off, Ry,” I snap. Does he need reminding of what he was like when Molly was in the hospital?

  I see Caleb go to laugh, but I stop him with a glare that has him swallowing and looking away pretty quickly. Molly can tell me all she likes how she thinks he is gay, but that doesn’t explain why he is always hanging around Abbi like a bad smell.

  “Abigail Evans’ family?” A nurse questions as she walks over to us.

  “Yes,” we all answer at once.

  “All of you?” she says, looking around at us questioningly. If she even thinks for one second that she isn’t going to tell us what is going on, then she has certainly got another think coming.

  “Yes,” we all say again.

  “I’m her older brother, this is my fiancée, these are my younger siblings and this would have been the father of my sister’s baby. Now please, will you tell us how she is?” Ryan states very matter-of-factly.

  The nurse looks a little sheepish after his outburst, but goes on to explain to us that Abbi is okay. She has had a miscarriage and has lost a lot of blood, which has made her very weak. They have examined her and she is going to be fine after a good few days of rest. They currently have her on strong pain medication, so she is asleep and will be for some time yet. She is going to stay in A&E until a bed becomes available on the ward, and she will stay there until she is discharged.

  “Can we see her now?” I ask impatiently.

  “You can, but as I said, she is asleep, so only one at a time, please. She needs her rest. And so do you, by the looks of it.” She nods towards Molly, who is yawning and curled into Ryan’s side. “I would suggest you leave her to rest and come back tomorrow.”

  “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to just pop in and see her for my own peace of mind, then I’m going to take Molly home.” Ryan says to the nurse.

  “We’ll all come back tomorrow,” Liv says speaking for Beth and Caleb, “now we know she is okay.”

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here when she wakes up.”

  I see the nurse go to argue, but she soon stops when her eyes meet mine. She just nods and indicates for Ryan and I to follow her.

  Within seconds, we are outside a bay waiting for the nurse to pull back the curtain so we can see Abbi. When she does and Abbi comes into view, I have to fight to swallow around the lump that has formed in my throat. She is curled up on her side facing us. Her hair, that is usually bright blonde, looks dark and limp, hanging around her shoulders and across the pillow. Her skin looks unusually pale and the circles around her eyes a stark comparison with their darkness.

  “Thank you,” Ryan says to the nurse, before she turns to leave and shuts the curtain behind her.

  I watch from the corner of the cubicle as Ryan walks up to her bedside and gently sweeps the hair away that has fallen across her face. I see him tear up a little as he looks down at her.

  “Don’t do something like that again, Abs. It was proper scary,” he whispers so quietly I almost miss it. My heart bleeds a little for this man in front of me. He has had to deal with so much in the last year or so, yet he is as strong as ever. “Jax is here, he’s going to look after you. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you,” he says, before placing a light kiss to her temple.

  He just about manages to hide his emotions by the time he comes back over to me, but I can tell he has been more affected by this than he is letting on.

  “You okay, mate?” he asks me.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry about earlier.” I look away, feeling embarrassed that he had a front row seat to my breakdown.

  “Don’t,” he warns. “Anytime you want to talk, I’m here for you. Molly, too.” I just nod at him, unable to speak with the emotion that is choking me. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep, yeah? And ring if you need anything,” he says as he squeezes my shoulder and quietly leaves me alone with Abbi.

  I grab the chair that’s in the corner and carefully move it next to her bed. I sit myself down and gently hold her hand in mine. Her eyes flicker open at my contact, and her lips twitch at the corner, giving me a hint of the smile I love so much. I watch a single tear escape and soak into the pillow she is lying on before her eyes close again.

  “Baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” She squeezes my hand, I guess to tell me she can hear me, before the sounds of her soft snores fill the room. I lean forward and place a soft kiss to her forehead before trying to get myself comfortable for the night in the hospital chair.

  Abbi

  I feel myself come to slightly when he holds my hand. He still causes the same reaction in my body, even when I’m doped up on pain meds. I drag my eyes open so I can see him. When my eyes eventually focus enough to make him out, my heart breaks a little more in my chest. I caused that look on his face; I caused that pain. One of the tears I have been fighting to keep in escapes, and I watch him as he watches it fall. I want to say something. I want to apologise but I’m too weak; instead, my eyes close and I drift off to sleep again.

  * * *

  I’ve had a great week with Ryan in Manchester, then with Liv for the last couple of days in Cardiff. I look in my rear-view mirror and see him singing along with whatever he has playing in the car as we come off the motorway, heading towards his house in Oxford. For as long as I can remember I have idolised my big brother, and even now as an adult he amazes me. His strength and determination despite everything he has been though this year alone are awe-inspiring. He may be my big brother and he may be four years older than me, but he always has been and always will be my best friend. I hate that we are currently so far apart, but if my last year at uni goes all right then I plan on applying for jobs down here so we can be closer. I know he has friends and practically family down here, but I still hate him being so far away.

  Talking of Ryan’s friends, all week I have been on his case about Molly. He might not want to admit it to me, but I can see it in his eyes every time one of us has mentioned her name this week that he has fallen madly in love with her. I can’t blame him; she is gorgeous and the sweetest person ever. I think the only problem may be that she was Hannah’s best friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ryan is struggling a bit with that. Well, I’m sure he potentially won’t be the only one struggling with that if something was to happen between them. I mean, getting with your dead girlfriend’s best friend could cause some drama. Especially where our mother is concerned. She has made it quite clear on many occasio
ns how she feels about Molly. Only two weeks ago she ran her out of our childhood home with her over the top opinions of her. Ah, never a dull day in the Evans family!

  When we arrive at Ryan’s house, we both have to drive around the back because Molly is parked out the front, but there is also another car blocking her in. I could tell by the look on Ryan’s face behind me what he was thinking, and if he’s right and the car belongs to the guy Molly is seeing, then good luck to him because he’s about to encounter my very jealous brother’s unexpected appearance. Oh, this could seriously get interesting.

  We both jump out of our cars at the same time, and I can see that Ryan is barely holding himself together with the excitement of coming home early in the hope of surprising Molly, but now also probably with fear of catching her doing something he never wants to see.

  “You go. I’ll get our bags in.”

  “No, it’s okay.”

  “Ryan, please, go put yourself out of your misery,” I say, attempting to push him in the general direction of his front door but, seeing as he is built like a brick shit house, I’m not very successful. What happened to that scrawny little boy I used to chase around with my make up? I wonder, smiling to myself as he walks off with his usual swagger.

  It’s ten-minutes later by the time I have our bags in and am heading up the stairs to see what’s going on. I’m pretty sure I heard Ryan shouting a few minutes ago. I swear, if he caught this guy fucking Molly on the sofa or something, then I could be about to walk into a murder scene!