Forever Ruined (An Ireland Forever Short Story)

  Copyright © 2019 by Tracy Lorraine

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover design and formatting by Dandelion Cover Designs

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  The Ireland Forever Series

  Flirt Club

  Read Falling For Daniel for FREE!

  About the Author

  Also by Tracy Lorraine

  Excitement flows through my veins and I grab my phone to turn up the volume when the familiar Blackthorn song begins. I start belting out the words while my best friend, Addison, sits on the edge of her bed staring at me, amusement filling her eyes.

  “What? I’m excited.”

  “So I see,” she says, shaking her head.

  “I seriously can’t believe Blake handed these tickets over.” It’s probably the tenth time these words have passed my lips since we left Northern Ireland this morning. “They were like gold dust to get a hold of.”

  “It should be a good night,” Adds says with little enthusiasm.

  It’d turned out that her fiancé Blake is Janie, the organiser’s, cousin. I’m pretty sure he had every intention of attending the event himself, but when he found out about my obsession with the band I think he felt sorry for me and told Addison to bring me instead. I couldn’t be more grateful, but my face drops nonetheless.

  “What’s wrong?” my friend asks.

  “Nothing. I’m just thinking about why he gave us the tickets.”

  “He wants us to enjoy ourselves,” she says, skimming over the truth.

  “Yeah, because his best mate screwed me over, again, and he feels guilty.”

  “He doesn’t feel guilty. He’s just being nice.”

  “Whatever,” I mutter, downing what’s left of the wine Janie left for us in the room.

  “Cara, you need to put him behind you. You’re never going to move on if you’re still pining over something that was never going to happen.”

  “I know, I know.” And I do know. She’s making sense, but that boy has been inside both my head and my heart since I was fourteen. We weren’t meant to end up this way. We had everything planned. We’d applied to the same university, we were going to rent a flat, and then get married once we graduated.

  We were meant to be together.

  Then, he ended it the afternoon we got our A-Level results, telling me he’d secretly applied somewhere else and he was going…without me.

  I was devastated.

  Sadly though, no matter how much that hurt, I’ve never been able to say no to him, and since then we’ve had the longest running on-again-off-again relationship known to man. I just wish I could stop loving him.

  It’s been almost four months since I gave him an ultimatum about our future together. It was time I put an end to my heartache. But he ran away as fast as he could, which I hadn’t expected.

  Now, I need to accept that maybe he was never the one for me.

  “You look hot. I guarantee you’re going to pull tonight.” Glancing back at myself in the mirror, I take in my outfit. “And you’ll only look better standing next to me, looking like a frumpy mummy.”

  “Shut up, Adds. You’re gorgeous and you know it.”

  Addison had her daughter a little over three months ago and she’s not embracing her post-pregnancy body very well.

  The two of us are like polar opposites. She’s dressed in a cute little dress with her curled blonde hair hanging around her shoulders, whereas my black hair is cut into a harsh inverted bob with electric blue streaks running through it and my black Blackthorn t-shirt has a wide slashed neck and hangs well down one of my arms. Team that with my short denim black skirt, fishnets, and my Doc Martins, I feel every bit the groupie. My earlier enthusiasm for tonight hits me once more and I turn back to the mirror to finish off the make-up I started on before Addison insisted on talking about him.

  Blake didn’t just hand over your average concert tickets for us to enjoy. They’re exclusive VIP tickets, which include a stay in the luxury Glenkerry Castle as well as transport, in cars costing at least four times what I’m used to, to get to the arena where tonight’s concert is being held.

  The closer we get to the venue, the more I start to feel sick with excitement. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to see Blackthorn live, but I’ve never managed it.

  Until now. And thank fuck, because tonight is going to be epic.

  The driver helps us from the car and we make our way towards the entrance along with a couple of others. There’s only going to be a few hundred people here tonight. The concert’s going to be so intimate, it’s going to almost feel like the lads are singing just for me.

  I allow my mind to wander. I wouldn’t say no to a one-on-one with any of the band members. That would sure help get my mind off—

  “Drink?” Addison asks, totally ruining the little fantasy playing out in my mind.

  “Yes! I need something hard and stiff.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” she says with a laugh and a wink. “Let’s go and find you some sexy rocker.”

  The thought should excite me, but all I see is his face. No matter how many times he’s turned me away, I still can’t get him out of my heart. No one else understands him like I do, and I know deep down that he’s just scared. I know he doesn’t do it intentionally to hurt me.

  That’s why I keep going back. Hoping that this time he’s got his shit together and has decided I’m it for him.

  But just like every time before, I end up alone and crying into my pillow as the dreams I allowed myself to think about once again are shattered.

  I down the whiskey in one and shake thoughts of him from my mind. I’ve got one night away with my best friend, and I’m determined not to spend the whole time thinking about him.

  It’s not long before the place starts to fill up, and as I glance around, I spot plenty of fans who look as eager as I am for the concert to start.

  “One more, then we should go and find our seats.”

  “We’ve still got ages,” Addison laughs.

  “I don’t want to miss anything.”

  “You won’t miss a thing.” She waves at the bartender and orders us another round.

  She’s right. There’s still ages before the opening act is due on stage, but I don’t care. I want to be sat there, waiting and ready. I’ve dreamt of this for a long time.

  The opening act, singer/songwriter Conor Byrne, is fucking awesome. If it’s a sign of what’s to come, then we are in for one incredible night.

  “Who the hell gets tickets for a VIP gig and doesn’t turn up?” Addison asks while we wait for Blackthorn to take the stage, casting glances at the empty seats beside us.

  Quite frankly, I don’t really give a fuck. It means I get to sing at the top of my voice and not worry about who might be next to me. “Their loss,” I shout back, my voice already hoarse from singing along with Conor. His music isn’t really my thing, but I can’t deny that the guy is talented.

  The noise that erupts when Blackthorn eventually take the stage is deafening. I see Addison cringe out of the corner of my eye. I know tonight probably isn’t her idea of fun, and that she’d rather be at home with Aofie, but I’m more than grateful she’s here with me.

  When the first beats of their opening song start, tears fill my ey
es. Wiping them away in an attempt to see properly, I focus on every word they sing and allow my body to absorb every note.

  Each song is better than the last, and with every new song they begin, a renewed roar of excitement erupts from the crowd.

  I’ve got my arms in the air, singing my heart out, totally lost to the music when a tingle of awareness runs down my spine.

  I push it aside. Nothing is important enough to distract me right now as I stare at Seamus’ drumsticks flying around as he does his drum solo.

  Addison elbows me in the ribs but I ignore her. I’m too fascinated by the lads up on the stage to even look at her.

  That is, until I sense movement next to me. Turning, I see three guys squeezing past everyone to get to their seats. Feeling relieved they’re not going to attempt to pass me and ruin my view for even a second, I go to look back towards the stage. But at the very last minute, I see a pair of very familiar light blue eyes. Eyes that I’d recognise before I would my own.

  My chin drops as I take in the face I haven’t laid eyes on in almost four long months.

  “Fuck,” I mutter, but with the noise echoing around the stadium, no one hears me. What the fuck do I do? I ask myself, panic starting to set in. My heart pounds and my palms begin to sweat. The next time I saw him, I wanted it to be on my terms. I wanted to be prepared.

  I drag my focus away from him, looking back toward my best friend. Concern pours from her eyes.

  I flinch when her warm hand lands on my shoulder and she leans in towards my ear. “What do you want to do?”

  I look between her and the stage as I try to get my brain to work. After a second, the haze begins to fade and I tell myself it doesn’t matter. So what if he’s standing next to me? Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ruin tonight for me. Not even him.

  “Nothing.” My voice doesn’t come out as strong as I was hoping, and I pray it’s hidden by the music. But I can immediately tell when I meet Addison’s gaze that she heard it loud and clear.

  I stare at the stage but I don’t experience it like I did before. I don’t feel the music or the lyrics. I’m numb. It’s like an out-of-body experience as I wait for him to realise who he’s just stopped next to.

  My skin burns and butterflies explode in my belly the second his eyes land on me. My entire body heats under his gaze and the hairs on my arms and up the back of my neck stand on end. Sucking in a breath, I wait for what he’s going to do.

  But he does nothing.

  He just stares.

  I try to fight the pull I feel in every single muscle in my body, but eventually it becomes too much. Slowly, I drag my eyes away from the spot on the stage I’d zeroed in on and I turn to him.

  My breath catches the second our eyes connect. He looks exhausted. The sparkle I’d always loved so much isn’t there. Instead, his eyes are dark and haunted.

  He looks miserable.

  No words are said as we stare at each other. His eyes run over every inch of my face, and longing fills them. My heart races and my fingers twitch, aching to reach out for him. To do anything to take that look off his face.

  Even after everything he’s put me through, the amount of times he’s left me heartbroken, it’s like his soul calls out to me. I’ve never met anyone else who I’ve had this kind of connection with before.

  Even fifteen years on, when I look at him I feel like the fourteen-year-old schoolgirl the first day he walked into class. Tingles spread throughout my entire body as my need for him takes over.

  “Cara.” I don’t hear the words, but I know exactly how my name looks falling from his lips. I’ve imagined it every day for the past four months. I’ve pictured opening my front door to find him stood there, telling me he made a mistake. That he chose the wrong option when I gave him that ultimatum.

  I didn’t think I was asking for much. I’d long forgotten about any outlandish dreams for a huge diamond and white wedding the fourteen-year-old me had dreamed of. All I wanted was some kind of reassurance that we had a future.

  I understand Nate’s reasons for not wanting to get married. His mum has this ability to attract abusive and possessive arseholes, and his experience of seeing what marriage should be hasn’t been the best example. The reason Nate moved here in the first place was to get away from his dad, who’d been merely husband number one. Husband number two and three weren’t much better.

  I experienced what Nate’s mum’s third and latest disastrous marriage did to her, and I understand his reluctance to ruin—his word, not mine—our relationship by getting married.

  I didn’t want that. All I wanted was him. He’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted. And I just needed him to tell me he loved me and that he wanted to grow old with me.

  But he couldn’t.

  “Fuck.” This time, I hear the word and the pain in his voice during the slight pause in the music, and it breaks my heart all over again.

  I watch as he scrubs his hands over his face. Then, suddenly, I’m moving.

  His all too familiar scent fills my nose as I’m pressed up against his solid chest. I’m incapable of pulling away from him, so I allow my arms to wrap around his waist as I breathe him in. He was always in good shape, but as I move my hands I feel his newly defined muscles ripple under my touch.

  The knowledge that I’ve no idea what he’s been doing for the past four months hits me, and I fight to keep the tears that are stinging my eyes at bay. My body trembles, totally overloaded with emotion.

  Nate pulls his face from my neck and I prepare myself to look into his eyes once again. Only, he stops way before that. His breath tickles my ear before he whispers, “It was the worst mistake of my life. I never should have let you go.”

  The breath I didn’t know I’d been holding rushes out of me as I sag against him. I’ve no idea how many times I’ve dreamt of hearing those words, but I truly never expected I ever would.

  Swallowing down the lump clogging my throat, I find the strength to pull back and gaze into his piercing eyes again. I need to know if he really means it or if this is just a play to get what he wants for tonight.

  My breath catches once again at the expression masking his face and the emotion warring in his eyes. My heart beats erratically in my chest as my head and heart duel. The rational part of me knows I’ve been here so many times before and it’s always ended with pain, but the parts I’ve tried burying away are telling me he’s really serious this time. There’s something different, something more final about the way he said those words.

  Leaning forward again so I can hear him, he whispers again. “I’m so sorry, Cara. There aren’t enough words for me to express what a catastrophic mistake I made that day.” His hand skims up past my waist until he’s cupping my cheek. Knowing his words will be affecting me, his thumb sweeps under my eye and collects my fallen tears. “Let me show you how wrong I was. Please, let me make it up to you. I miss you so fucking much.”

  A sob erupts in my throat, and I’m immediately pulled back into his arms.

  Just thirty minutes ago, aside from the building collapsing, I couldn’t have thought of a single thing that could have dragged me away from that concert.

  But now, as I walk out of the arena with my hand tightly grasped within Nate’s, I can’t think of a reason to go back inside.

  The way I feel about him is all consuming. I’m not stupid—I know he’s caused me a whole world of pain in the past. But right now, all I want to do is what he suggested before he apologised to Addison and pulled me away from the sounds of the band in the background.

  I want to get out of here.

  With him.

  I’m ushered into a waiting car. Nate tells the driver to take us back to the castle before he turns his eyes on me. The darkness from just a few minutes ago is gone, replaced with hope and the sparkle of life I love so much.

  As the car races towards our destination, my ears continue to ring from the volume of the music in the arena. We haven’t been in the vehicle more than two m
inutes when a Blackthorn song starts playing on the radio, reminding me of what we just left behind.

  But one look at Nate with his fists clenched and the muscles in his neck twitching beside me, and I know it’ll be worth it. He’s not offering me one night of music—he’s offering me a lifetime.

  Or, at least I hope that’s what this is.

  “Are you sharing a room with Addison?” he asks as we enter the castle reception.

  “Yeah, but—” My words are cut off as he drags me towards the stairs. My feet leave the floor and I find myself lifted into his arms as he runs up to the second floor and to what I assume is his door.

  “Back pocket,” he says, his breathing steady like he didn’t just carry my entire weight up here.

  Sliding my hand into his pocket, I can’t resist giving his arse a little squeeze.

  “Cara,” he warns. “We need to get inside now.”

  I help him open the door, and in seconds we’re in. Dropping me back onto my feet, his palms encase my face as he stares down at me.

  “I’m deadly serious here, Cara. If you’ll still have me, then this is it. No more getting scared and running away. I refuse to live another day without you in my life.”

  “Nate, I—”

  “No, let me finish. I’m still not sure if I can do the whole marriage thing, but I’m yours. I’ve been yours since I walked into that classroom and saw your dark eyes across the room. I’ve just been too fucking stupid to admit it. I’ve been surrounded by toxic relationships my whole life, and I was desperate not to experience it myself. But I’ve realised that by keeping you at arm’s length, I was basically doing the same thing. I…I love you, Cara. I always have, and I always will.”

  His lips land on mine, stopping me from responding in any other way than with my kiss. His large body presses my tiny one into the wall and I can’t help a groan rumbling up my throat at the familiar feeling.